Thursday, January 1, 2009

A New Start :)

It's a brand new year, and as such, it's time for a brand new start. This blog is a fresh start to a new year, 2009, one better than 2008. :D Ok so to kick of the new year I've decided to take a leaf out of Morgan's book. I'm going to vent and get a few things off my chest, the difference is that Morgan said she couldn't say these things to people's faces, I'm choosing not to. I've decided that there is too much confrontation in my life, partially because I ask for it, partially because people expect me to always react that way. (Extremely narrow minded, but I'm getting used to it, people subconciously have an extreme aversion to change. Even when people change.) (Though I'm still convinced that some confrontation is still needed in life, FYI) So this is my way of getting things off my chest so that this new year really can be a fresh start.

To you: We got along so well when we were younger, but now it's hard to even be in the same together. At least it seems to be improving. I know I don't always try as hard as I should be trying, and I know I should. I'm sorry I let you get to me, but I promise I will try harder.

To you: As I get older I notice more, I see you fight and I realize how immature you can be. You teach me more every day, and sometimes it happens to be exactly what I don't want in my life. I love you more than you will ever know, sometimes I just wish you knew what you were doing, how you were teaching me. Not everything I learn is something you meant to teach.

To you: I've tried to find someone I can easily relate to my entire life, and I didn't believe in Kindred Spirits until I meant you. The fact that there is an age difference seems so unimportant, you understand me in a way that no one has in a very long time. You are one of my closest friends, and I'm not sure you even realize how much you mean to me.

To you: You make me miserable. I trusted you once more than anyone, and that trust has been betrayed because it wasn't valued. You frustrate me because you refuse to change anything and accept that you're miserable. We were once friends. Friendship is supposed to go two ways, but this one only seems to go one. I'm wasting my energy on you, and we both know it.

To you: I dislike you because you are like I once was, but you've yet you learn what I had to. And until you do, you will continue to frustrate me. You are one of the people I play nice with to get along, but I continue to resent you for every fiber of my being. If you could grow up then I think we could get along.

To you: You're my exact opposite. We're like oil and water, but somehow it works. I feel like I don't deserve you, but I wish more than anything for you. Thank you, for putting up with me, and loving me anyway.

To you: You intrigue me, you push me, and you force me to be honest with myself even when I don't want to. I wish I knew you better, but I hope that this new year brings that opportunity.

To you: You're impossible. You have exactly what you want, but you always want more. Be happy with him and stop trying to overreach. I would still respect you if you made the choice, but you won't and I can't.

To you: My life once entwined itself with yours, but not anymore. Goodbye.

Now that all of that is off my chest, I do actually feel much better. :) Now to start new:

1. I resolve to be the self that I want to be.
2. I resolve to mediate all the confrontation that comes my way.
3. I resolve to be happy.
4. I resolve to follow my heart.
5. I resolve to pursue my dreams.
6. I resolve to be more open.
7. I resolve to cherish the time I have left.
8. I resolve to keep swimming.
9. I resolve to form new friendships.
10 I resolve to stop mourning friendships I can't save.
11. I resolve to relax.
12. I resolve to play.
13. I resolve to love unconditionally.
14. I resolve to be mature.
15. I resolve to live well, laugh often, and love much.

So that is all for now. :) Here is a thought to help your day:

"The great and glorious masterpiece of
man is to know how to live to purpose."
~Michel de Montaigne

Love Always,
Erin (Not Jo, Not Jo Crip, Not Michelle Pickleface, Just Erin :) exactly who I want to be.)


Neil said...

Awe that was wonderfully vague seeings how i or anyone could see themselves as any number of those to you's. i like it.

Jennifer said...

i like it. happy o9

berto said...

All I can say to this is FUCK YES!

Seriously, as I read it, that's all I could think.

Oh and also, I was hoping that I was/wasn't one of those people (yes, at the same time). Either way, way to go for being true to yourself. Don't put up with people you don't want to, don't take people's crappy self-indulgent advice and be yourself. In the end, it's never worth it because you just end up being stressed over something you shouldn't be stressing over.

Anyway, enough of that rant. I think we could have a very good conversation about this, you and I. If you have time, come talk to me :)


natalie said...

this is really nice.
way to be honest.
it is pleasing me that everyone is starting a new.

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