Bonjour!

So on this wonderful Friday afternoon, I just want to tell you all that I love you extra lots. We get home in a few days and I have mixed feelings about coming home... It's time to be home though, I guess you have to live with another family for a few weeks to really appreciate how completely normal your own messed up family is.
Ok at 1 am last night we rolled in, coming home from PARIS! Paris was wonderful! It was awkward.... and quite dirty in some parts, but in the main areas it was completely wonderful. It was nice to finally be in a place where I could actually understand what in the heck people were trying to say to me. I never actually believed that all the time Mr. Reynolds spent on learning food and things was ever going to be worth it, but it totally helped. It was nice to be able to semi communicate with the people I wanted to talk to, and I'm officially a lot freaking better at reading and comprehending French. We went to all of the usual places, the Louvre (absolutely amazing. I mean it. I could spend years in there), the Eiffle Tower, the Arc de Triumph, stuff like that. After that we went to Versailles! The palace there was absolutely amazing. :D:D I'm basically too tired to know what else to write..... I'll blog again later.

Hugs and Kisses

En

Christmas Eve

So it's Christmas Eve... I don't know what to do. Everyone is so content to be here with family and friends... yet I wish I were anywhere but here. I want my family and friends. A lot. So here is a list of things i'll miss this year... I love you all.

I miss wrapping the last of the christmas presents with my mommy
I miss sitting with friends and playing in the snow before the holiday
I miss having a big formal dinner with my family
I miss playing in the snow with my cousins
I miss reading the Best Christmas Pagent Ever
I miss singing for my family
I miss getting pj's on Christmas ever
I miss the shrimp and twice baked potatoes that my family will be eating tonight
I miss making reindeer food for my cousins
I miss sitting up at my Jan's cabin by the fire
I miss driving home in the snow
I miss christmas morning and having my sister come down at 8 to get me
I miss opening presents and eating pumpkin chocolate chip bread with the Macey's christmas day parade in the back ground
I miss Grandma and Grandpa coming over for coffee to watch us open their presents
I miss christmas brunch at kari's
I miss eating orange rolls and playing with a select few christmas presents
I miss going up to Jan's to play in the snow and building snowmen
I miss calling my britta marie to see if i can come visit
I miss walking into her house and yelling MERRY CHRISTMAS NYSTULS!
I miss relaxing with friends and eating left overs
I miss watched Scrooged with my parents
I miss New Years Eve traditions with britta
I miss Mnt Dew
I miss watching New Years Rockin Eve
I miss my Britta
I miss my Hannah
I miss my Lurpey
I miss my Brady Lee
I miss my Enano
I miss my Jebby
I miss my Besto
I miss my Michael
I miss my Randi Lynn
I miss my Ty Ty
I miss my Mommy
I miss my sister
I miss my Papa
I miss my Grandparents
I miss my Aunts, Uncles, and cousins
I miss everyone... Being alone on Christmas sucks... a lot

I'm thankful for all of you and I just want you all to know that you're in my thoughts... Best wishes and happy holidays.

Jo Crippleface

Guten TaG!

hahah sooo I'm a slacker.. I know I know! SO... let's recap. ummm Brock and I flew into the airport, went through customs, blah blah blah. lame. lol it took for freaking ever! So when we got here and pulled up to the base, it was 10 am here.. where as in utah it was 2:00 am so we were freaking jet lagged. Unfortunately the best way for us to beat jet lag is to immediately adjust our sleep cycles to match the time zone which ment figuring out how brock and i were supposed to stay up until 9 p.m. this time. it was so hard! first we had to go and get military id cards so that we could get on and off of the base.. and that took FOR FREAKING EVER! then we came back and brock and i finally got to shower! huzzah! that was really nice. after ms nancy made us pho (vietnamese food in germany.. it makes sense?) haha jake, joe and adam decided to drag us downtown to the christmas market to try and keep us up. so after walking through the freezing cold, HUMID weather, we took the train downtown and walked through the booths and stuff. it was cold, everyone was really loud, there were the cutest little things, cider, lights, wonderful smells, it was so fun! it was like fairdays times a trillion!
SO the next day we got up and drove to southern germany to this small little town.. very touristy. i loved it, we stayed in this little bed and breakfast ran by this old couple, i played the piano and what not. We went out and walked around the market and had snichtzel and stuff (its actally really really really good!) i have a new favorite food... schneeballen (it means snow ball?) its yummy you dip it in hot chocolate (schoko) and its wonderful. we went through the medieval criminal museum (brady lee i thought of you the entire time and took a million pictures!) it was pretty sweet... and so the first full day past.
We got up the next morning and drove to nuschwiensien castle (its the one that disney fashioned cinderella's castle after) it was gorgeous! we toured the lower hunting lodge before taking a horse drawn carridge up the mountain to the castle. it was amazing. everything was so decorative and elaborate, though it was freezing! after we toured the castle we drove to the next little lodge.. Hauss Lilli it was run by this tiny old bavarian woman and she fed us a lot and we just kind of ran around. lol at like 11 at night brock and i were craving chocolate so we ran down the road to the gas station and were praying that the lady there spoke english. though she did, when we got back we were locked out! we set off the bells and it was just a huge mess. lol it was so funny.. me and brock.. unsupervised in germany... hahaha
Ok so today we woke up and drove to Austria to tour a little bit! The alps are wondeful! the ski lodges were so amazing and i wanted to hit the slopes sooo bad! hahahaa i'm so jealous of how much snow utah has right now, they don't have nearly as much.. maybe a foot. lammmmee. ok so after that we drove to Dachau (duckow).. it was the first concetration camp in germany. When you get to the gate you see a sign in german and it means Free Labor... the people who were sent there were told that it was a work camp, that they were taken there to make money. after i walked in my breath was immediately taken away, not in a good way. I was staring across an empty plane, there were guard towers all around and the temperature dropped as you walked in. The entire place felt evil. It felt that it was crushing your hope and draining the life just being there... it was so hard to breath. We walked around the barracks and it was horrible........ i dont know how to describe it. The entire thing was draining. the worst part was approaching the "red building" it was horrible.... i walked toward the building and my head started hurting... when i walked across the threshold my breath caught. We first walked through the room they stored dead bodies in.... next into the room with all of the ovens...... through the gas chambers.... another body room... and finally back outside. it was horrible. everyone was shaking and white as a sheet.... you walk through the rooms and you can imagine what happened and its completely sicking.... it pulls into perspective what humanity is really capable of. reading about it and seeing the actual place was completely different.
Ok so now we're finally home... I miss you all and I can't wait to get home. Happy Christmas!!! I love you all and you're always in my thoughts. Write back!

hugs and kisses,
Erin Jo

You light up my life...

So last night Hannah and I went on a date with Joseph and Chad.. that was eventful. lol :) That is another story in and of itself though. The ending of that story is where this thought process begins. We went to Temple Square as the wrap up of our date last night and it really got me thinking... It's amazing how something so simple as Christmas lights can bring joy to so many people. I wasn't told where we were going last night so I neglected to bring a coat, so out there in my swim jacket freezing to death it finally hit me... Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and each good deed, each little reaction sybolizes one of the points of light at Temple Square. By themselves they're a mini miracle, but they're mundane and often overlooked, but when you compile them, the ending picture is magical. It's amazing how thousands of Christmas lights can detach you from reality and put you in a place of enchantment. I guess life is funny that way. The moral of this story is to put things into perspective and think about what's important in your life. :)

All my love always,
Erin Jo

I'm sitting by the window,
Waiting for the rain,
The tears are coming faster,
I'm choking on the pain,
The hate and lies that I've built up,
All come pouring down,
My discontent and envy,
Earns a disapproving frown,
I'm drowning in my heartache,
I'm choking on my tears,
I can't help but wishing,
I could feel you near,
You and me, forever to be,
You're always my best friend,
Unitl the day that you met him,
The beginning of the end,
They say that people come and go,
I never thought you would,
Other people came and went,
I never thought you could,
The day you left my heart broke,
You never saw my tears,
Now I'm left completely alone,
To deal with my fears.
Best friends should be forever,
What happened to us then?
I thought we'd be together,
Until the bitter end.
Now I wait in silence,
The tears have all run dry,
I will always remember,
How you left me for that guy.


Dedicated to my Enano, who is one of the few people in my world who is truely able to relate to this poem, with lots of love and thank you's for letting me sit on his bed and cry every Sunday and for never ever failing to make me feel better.

All my love,
Erin

2007 Edition

Ok so it is time for the "Remember When" 2007 Edition...nice....

"Remember When"

We went to the Welcome Back Bonfire and I met you for the first time?

Remember how you were covered in Glow Sticks Gel?

Remember Reffing together?

Remember Seeing Step Up on our first date?

Remember our walk to talk to Rili and she asked if we were together...and you answered "almost"?

Remember Thanksgiving with your cousins?

Remember Tay Tay snorting powdered sugar?

Remember seeing the dolphins?

Remember meeting me at the air port?

Remember taking care of me on choir tour?

Remember talking until 3 am and getting up at 5?

Remember how much I cried and said I hated you but really never could?

Remember when we let him come between us?

Remember when we didnt?

Remember when we met at the swim meet?

Remember "It's my birthday"?

Remember trying to get to Jordan Landing and ending up really lost?

Remember when Jeb was the only one we weren't pissed at for getting us lost?

Remember the Miss Watch-ass Pagent?

Remember "Once I was a selfish fool who never understood, never looked inside myself but on the outside I looked good!"

Remember taking pictures in your room?

Remember the "Cleavage Shirt!"

Remember Les Miserables?

Remember drawing pictures of us all in my living room?

Remember watching CSI every Thursday religiously?

Remember me coming to get you at midnight and going on a drive just so we could scream?

Remember when I fell for him? Hard?

Remember when I showed you my secret spot?

Remember "Thats it. You're dead"

Remember "Hey girls who's that guy?"

Remember eating cake at exactly midnight while watching the meteor shower?

Remember meeting John Louis?

Remember taking me to the wedding?

Remember bathing together and sleeping together every night?

Remember how every night I fell asleep in your arms listening to the waves?

Remember when I ruined the movie ending for you?

Remember how many of us we managed to fit into the photo booth?

Remember meeting me for the first time and how I thought you were crazy?

Remember planning our 18 hour flight together?

Remember how we promised eachother forever...?

Remember how we haven't given up yet?

Remember how I love you and still haven't told you?

Remember when you slipped and told me that you loved me and then covered it up really fast and how i still dont know if you meant it?

Remember when we used to go to the lake every week?

Remember telling me how to wakeboard?

Remember idiot jousting?

Remember how I thought this summer was going to be epic..... it was.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxox
~En

Thoughts from my head...

This is part of a letter I sent my youth director.... think about it.


So lately some of the problems have been thrown into light and impacted my life greatly.. and it's gotten me thinking about church. When things go wrong people tend to blame anything and everything but themselves, they use every little thing as an excuse not to go to church and every little bad thing that happens goes as a mark against God. It seems that in today's society that there is no room for spiritual belief, people want proof and cold hard facts. I've recently decided that the proof lies within yourself. That every beautiful thing, both good and bad, is proof that God exists and loves you if you choose to see it that way. God's love lies within all of us, we just have to make the choice to accept it. But whether or not someone chooses to accept it, and how one chooses to accept it doesn't deflect God's love from shining upone someone. Everyone has the potential to do great things, we just need to use our strengths, and the power of prayer is one thing we can count on.


So no matter if you're Baptist/Christian like Morgan-love, Catholic like Enano-bunny, Besto, and Randalynn, Lutheran like me, trying to discover what you believe like Britta and Lurpey, Agnostic like Egil, or Mormon like almost everyone else I know, we're all worshiping something out there, some sort of higher power. Have faith, no matter what happens, because it's when you lose faith that everything loses clarity.

All my love,
Erin-a-Jo aka Michelle Pickleface

Again....Block Slacker

So random note: Jacob's sitting behind me and he just told me that I need to be shot in the face. Ouch. I'm sorry I haven't blogged in so long, I'm a huge blog slacker and I accept that. It just seems that another summer has flown by. I blinked and missed it. Lame. I'm ridiculously happy to be back in school though. I love it alot. And I know I'm going to stress, and I know that I'm going to end up killing Sarah Jane, but it's ok. It's all going to be worth it. I really heart my classes and everything. It's fabulous. So I don't really know what to write, my life's been so hectic for so long that I don't even know what's going on anymore. It's insane. Everything's changing so fast, I feel like I'm caught up in a whirlwind and who the heck know's what type of Oz it's going to drop me in. But here's an update for all those whom I haven't talked to in so long.
Stud Gov: Hell. But I still love it lots! I'm having so much fun!
Debate: I'm really excited to get into teaching it. It's going to kick butt!
Boys: Aren't worth my time currently. They just distract me and end up lying to me and hurting me. So not worth it.
Girls Night: I still need the dates everyone can do it in the next month so I can see what days that one place is open for that one thing.
Friends: I miss you! I never see anyone! Save me from this perpetual downward spiral!
School: Ummm since when was it ok for teachers to give this much homework the first week of school? Lame.
Piano: I seem to have reached a wall... I'm stuck! I need a piano tutor!
Voice: hahah I haven't been able to sing well in ages. It sucks.
Family: Lake Powell trip went exceedingly well...Everyone is currently getting along nicely.
Job: I heart my job so much! We have so much fun!
Swimming: I MISS IT! Time to get in the pool!
So I don't actually know what else is in my life besides the afore mentioned things..... ummm if I'm forgetting anything let me know and I'll give you the 411. Just let me know! And I solemly promise that hence forth I'm going to try and make a contrite effort to blog lots more often. :D I love you all until the end of time!

Infinite x's and o's
Jo Crippleface aka Michelle Pickleface ;)

Blog!

Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog Little Bloggy blog. I am, for some reason, exceedingly happy to be blogging today. It could quite possibly be because I'm all kinds of sick of freaking macs and am enjoying being back on my little PC once again. Sorry to all my loyal fans for not being around lately...for some reason I have decided to fall off the face of the earth....Well I'm back now! For a little bit at least.... So that's nice...maybe. Ummm.... Lately three things have occupied my life, Swim (big surprise there...), Work (and freaking macs that hate my soul), and my books. I've been reading non-stop for about a week and it feels so nice. During the school year I had no time to read and never the energy but this summer I've fallen back in love with my books and their characters. Naturally I've been reading my "Erin Books" as Britta calls them. (Erin Books entail fantasy books with a heroine, magic, and usually a really good looking guy. But if it gets classified as a romance novel I won't read it, I'm predjudice :D)
So this week I've learned a lesson.... As much as you try to protect some people, everyone needs a chance to make their own mistakes. Now this lesson seems pretty basic, especially for someone like me who thrives off of their own independence, but I've been sheltering some people for a little too long. And as much as I want to protect them, its time to let them face reality.... (hahah i'm going to be such a pain in the ass mother someday) So I guess this is me lightening my protection up.... at least a little bit ;)
Another thing I've been thinking about recently is passion. Too often in our lives as teenagers do we let ourselves live life in motions... One habit after another, day in and day out, without really seeing the beauty in anything. Sometimes it takes a big event to wake us up from our stupor...and sometimes all it takes is a person walking into our lives. Every girl dreams of being swept off her feet, of that one fleeting moment that will be engrained into your brain where you know everthing in the world put together could not make you happier in that instant (too much grease! ;) ) And everyone wonders when exactly they'll meet their true love. Now if you ask people like Ms. Haslam she'll tell you that there's no such thing as love, that it's just your body preparing for sex.... if that's true then there's no such thing as emotional pain either...for what is pain? Electrical pulses from our brain telling us that we should continously feel like we've been punched in the stomache? Now no offense to Ms. Haslam but if you live you're life like that you'll end up a thirty something high school biology teacher engaged to The Buffalo Man merely because you want to reproduce... :D Everything in our lives is open to interpretation. How we see things is a direct result of the state of mind we choose to view them with. Good question: Is the glass half empty or half full. Better question: Why does it matter?


xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

And the moral of this story is....

Hello loves. I have a life lesson we should all learn from.
Once upon a time there was a silly little girl named Erin. One day she decided to go out side and lay out in her swim suit for a few min to get some sun. After a hose fight and sprinting down the street to get out of the line of fire... Then lying in the sun to dry off.... Erin looked at the clock and noticed that she had been out there two full hours. Later she noticed she was absolutely fried as far as sun burns go and it hurt. Moral of the story: Wear sun screen no matter what.

Then End :D

New Erin. This one's emotional.

I'm not sure why but today I seem to be in a melonchally mood... It could be the fact that I'm a hormonal, emotional teenage girls craving chocolate... Or it could be the fact that everything is happening so fast. The world is swirling around me in a vortex and the people that once came to me for help and for someone to talk to no longer need me. I feel myself becoming closer to people who make my life happy... but farther from the ones that made my life meaningful. Lately I've been thinking, feeling the pressures put on by the world and escaping from it all by to go get enano and go to my sitting spot so I can unload my thoughts onto him. Another thing that I've been thinking about is Lakey. (Haha Don't freak out... I'm putting my honest thoughts down here) It's been nearly a year since the two of us went on our first date and for some reason it's been bothering me lately. I'll be taking someone home and I'll drive past a certain spot or someone will same something innocently and I'll be swept away in a memory from long ago. My mom says when this happens you can almost see what i'm thinking right on my face and it's slightly unnerving. Knowing that my thoughts aren't being kept privately shushed inside my head. So my thoughts are this on my ex: He's so different than he was, and I was stupid not to listen to everyone. Though I know that I had fun and learned enough about myself that if I had to make the choice again knowing what I know now, I'd still date him. (THEN NOT NOW) But I'm not gonna lie...at concert in the park, for the first time in about 5-ish months, I actually missed Jake. And it's not that I miss "us" I just miss being his friend and being able to tell him anything in the world. And this is the guy I swore never to let close to my heart again. Yet I definitely still miss him. Ironic. Another aspect of my life I've been contemplating is the crappy-ness of dating in a small town. Everyone knows everyone and no matter who you like someone is going to end up getting hurt, people are going to date eachothers ex's, and people are going to be upset over who likes who. My parting words are these: We're not in middle school anymore, you're allowed to like the same guy as someone else...You're are allowed to have more than one best friend...and you're allowed to be yourself. Your true friends are the ones that will let you do what makes you happy and love you for it anyways, even if they get hurt in the process. Now dont go recklessly destroying lives, but we all need to understand that, as cliche as it sounds, boys (or girls) are not worth your friendships. Stick together.

"If there's a prize for rotten judgement...."

"If there's a prize for rotten judgement, I guess I've already won that. No man is worth the aggravation.....That's ancient history. Been there, done that."

Story of my life, eh? This is my formal apology for all my cranky-ness lately guys. If you all knew the whole story I might be more forgiven...but each of you only know a small part of the big picture (even if you think you know the whole thing, you really dont.). So I apologize again for my being a horrible person lately, and ask you to bare with me for a bit longer...Things are clearing up and I'm begining to handle everything lots better (ON MY OWN! YAY! I'm being independant again!)
It is officially summer and I'm so glad, as expected the drama is begining to clear up and life is getting easier. I'm being placid and relaxed...and for me that's kind of a big thing. The summer is alight with promise and allure. Everyone can feel it and the electricity in the air from it makes me wonder exactly what this summer will bring. Everyone's growing up and with that 'new found maturity' (I personally think I'll be more immature this summer than last summer...but thats ok) comes new found responsibility. Lake days become more than just sitting at the beach or boating with our parents...Random trips to Park City loose their chaparones (HOLEEEEEEEE HOLRRRRRRRRRR)... Curfews become more iffy and talking to people until 4 am becomes a small thing... Cars play a big part and cell phones become permanently attached to everyones hands.... swim suits become more than pink one pieces with a frilly skirt.... and 'summer crush comes to mean more than an orange flavored drink we have when we're hot... BBQ's expand from just your family....and movie nights turn into actual dates...but one thing that will never ever change is how much we love eachother and how we'll always be here for eachother. No matter what. Sometimes some of us get cranky (and its not just me!), sometimes some of us become anti-social, sometimes some of us can't stand being around others, and sometimes we feel as though we'll never be able to live without them....but we'll always have eachother. Hannha, Jebby, Ty Ty, Bwiwwa, Besto, Norgan and Randalynn....... though we fight, scream, cry, ignore, hate, love, and laugh...together's what we'll always be. No matter what the summer brings... forever and always.

~En

P.S. The quote for the day comes from my great grandfather...he was a writer and this was the last thing in the world he wrote before he died: "There are many things to hold and behold in this wonderful rotten world" ~Norm Fuellenbach

Block Slacker = Erin

Ok I know I'm the biggest blog slack of all time....I mean come on it's been a full freaking month since I've blogged. But lately I'm not feeling to partial to sitting inside on the computer and blogging in my spare time...especially since lately my spare time sessions have been few and far between. Lame. lol So school's almost out...so much has happened this year I'm not sure where to begin really. I've made new friends, fallen out of touch with old ones, and gotten in touch with even older ones. I've grown up and everyone around me has too...It's insane to think what all of use were like this time last year, how naive we were...and yet how utterly happy to be so. Hannah says growing up is disappointment, but I dont know if that's true. I think it's one of those glass half empty or half full kind of things. Sure you get disappointed as childhood fantasies come to an end as you grow up, but so many new and beautiful things are introduced to us I dont think judgement can be passed. El cheapo was last weekend, and prom was two weeks before that. Both were insanely fun, in completely different ways and yet I wouldn't change any of it. Kasey and I had an amazing time at prom, our group was insane and the boys were the sweetest ever. They planned everything from pizza and a water fight to fillet mignon and a hummer stretch limo. Prom was amazing, and I really did feel like a princess. If prom was amazing el cheapo was just as fabulous, but minus the formality. We all went to the DI and picked out our dates outfits...insanity. Lake ended up in a kilt, jeb as a jeanie, kelsey as a slut, enano in a sweater vest and besto in blue....oh wow. Ok so the remember when things....It's my turn.

Remember when:

• We ate pixisticks in my kitchen laughing?
• Things happened in days?
• We went to the hot pots and you were wearing your 'under-clothes'
• You cried cause things were changing to fast?
• You told me your biggest secret ever?
• We kissed on my couch just because we were both single and could?
• We re-visited emo lane because we had to get everything off our chests?
• When that song followed me around all summer?
• Dr. Greene?
• The My Humps dance?
• When we were going to make music videos?
• How the sound of his name makes me grin?
• The For Sale Sign?
• Kris hiding in the bushes?
• Writing our names on the playground?
• When we had our guitar lesson and I was so excited to learn?
• How crushed I was?
• How head over heels I was for him, even when I tried not to be?
• How I looked like Anastasia because I wanted him to take that second glance?
• "And then we'll wake up unconcious"
• 3 hand squeases? And 4 to reply?
• When you literally saved my life?
• How I used to go to your house and yell and scream and cry when I was frustrated?
• How many lives were ruined?
• How I shouldn't ever have cared because he lives "across the pond"
• How furious you make me because you don't think about the consequences and then you piss everyone off and can't figure out why we're so mad at you.
• When I FINALLY realized he was a hobag, and that I really was over him.
• When we joked about a 3-some
• When you were lying on a couch in my basement and I was lying on your stomache and you told me you loved me for the first time?
• I found out everything I never wanted to know about him?
• He told me I would be a good booty call?
• Seeing the dolphin when we were swimming?
• How nervous everyone was for choir?
• How disappointed I was that I didnt make it until he told me it was because my schedule was insane?
• Park hopping so we could talk?
• Me knowing exaclty what it means to be up that freaking early?
• Swim over-nighters and their insanity?
• Lake the tiger and enano bunny in the puppet show?

So this is it for now, I hope this will ease the blog nazi's and their endless rampage against blog slackers... ;) they know I love them :D I love you all!

~En

Crappiest blog ever

Twitterpated-mania = erin's life right now. everyone seems to be twitterpated. Even me, granted there are about 5 guys, but that's beside the point. lol I don't even know what to think anymore.....what to say? lol I'm not sure how to deal with anything...basically lets sum up:

Jake - Ok, on choir tour we were like best friends, we hung out, we flirted, we had fun. AND now that we're back... he won't give me the time of day. I should have expected it....but i didn't. Dang. lol Don't get me wrong, I don't like him again, but I definitely wanted him as a friend...well there went that idea. *shoots idea with an AK47*

Jacob - Ok, so. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH is all I have to say about that. Saw his senior picture today... can you say perm-a-grin? oh wow. That boy. Dang.

Randi and Berto - So cute. Unexpected. But definitely cute. lol

Britta and Lurpe - I'm so inlove with this couple I cannot even handle it. Lol they're so cute, and they're just fun to be around. Granted, at times I feel like the 3rd wheel, but I'll deal.

Grant - Texted me again last night. Oh wow. Bring back memories? I just dont even know....

K i'm sorry that this is the crappiest blog ever. but my thoughts are too jumbled to blog. maybe i'll blog later...when i've got everything all figured out.

What happens in Vegas...

So basically i'm sitting here in the holiday in typing to you guys from the business center in vegas. and let me tell you, this trip has been one interesting experience after another. i'm sitting here giggling just thinking about it. so here's how it's been..... on friday we drove to california...now there isn't any boy girl seating so i'm sitting in the seat behind jake and lurpe... basically i spent the first part of the drive tickling their necks....then the three of us watch tokyo drift... :D:D:D:D:D:D huzzah for fast cars. anyways after that lurpe went to sleep and jake and i stayed up and talked until about 3 am...we talked about everything and we really cleared the air between us. we resolved a lot of conflict and everything is good between us now...even though i have black mail on him...bwahahahahahahah. anyways so after we stayed up talking and watching the omen (scariest dang show ever! holy freaking crap its twisted) jake and i fell asleep at about 3 a.m. we arrived at the mcdonalds in cali where we were going to eat breakfast at about 5 am so jake and i went on about 2 hours of sleep each. but it was fun. so after everyone had eaten (except me....cause erin doesnt eat mcdonalds) we got ready basically in the parking lot of mcdonalds and it was hysterically funny now that i think about it. next we drove to disney land.....and what more can i say about that? IT'S DISNEY LAND! lol i love it. we (chaely, jake, lurpe, scott, sean, and forrest) met up with egil and his friend brian and we had a really good time...i dont remember much..other than a haze of tiredness and my knees hurt like ^&@#$*&@()#*$&*()@#$&#$ @*$@#@*(#$&(@*#$& but...yeah it was all good. so its time to go eat...and i'm actually hungry (but i've been up since 4 this time...5 utah time) anyways i'm coming home tonight and i miss you all!
infinite x's and o's
~Jo Cripple Face

L is for the way you look at me

An amazing list of things that I love, to match everyone elses:

• That feeling you get when you start swimming after you haven't swam in a long time.
• That feeling you get after you swim a hard work out.
• That feeling you get after your race.
• The feeling you get when you sing, the one where your voice just pours over the notes.
• The feeling you get when you debate.
• The feeling you get when you're on stage and you get a standing ovation.
• Getting lost in an amazing book
• Watching a good movie
• Summer
• Playing guitar
• Hugs!
• Kisses
• Dancing in the rain
• My friends
• Finishing each others sentences and then saying "get out of my head" lol
• Shooting stars
• Long walks
• Catching up with old friends
• Making new friends
• Writing anything and everything you could ever think
• Cuddling
• Gatorade
• My perfect subway sandwhich
• Eating everything with ranch
• Yelling the "best" insults at britta
• Hearing good things said about me
• People telling me that they believe in me
• Being there when my friends need help
• Cruises
• Scuba
• Water in general....its a calming thing for me
• The feeling of sand in your toes when you're at the beach
• The rush you feel on rollercoasters
• The fact that all guys look amazing in suit ties
• When guys wear a suit with no tie and their shirt untucked
• Driving, just to drive
• The feeling you get when you have that special someone in your life
• Trying on prom dresses
• Fireworks (both kinds)
• Pictures
• Making movies
• Being crazy and hyper
• Pixisticks
• Snowboarding
• A good soccer game
• Manchester United
• Classical music
• Dancing
• Dates with friends
• Knowing that no matter what happens someone has my back
• Telling secrets
• Playing I secretly and straight up
• Missing someone with every fiber of your being (i also hate this)
• Hope (i also hate this)
• Learning something new
• Chocolate
• The way that guys just smell good
• The fact that guys hugs are just better than hugs from other girls
• Running around the soccer field barefoot, just to feel the grass
• Lightening storms
• Inside jokes
• Watching the sunset
• How mall pretzels make everything better
• The fact that he's coming back

I can think of more....but I'm going to go eat pizza now. You should be proud of me, this is my 2nd consecutive post! GO ERIN! lol

Life Update:Living life, and loving it all. I'm not letting the bad things get me down and I'm refusing to let the people that want me to fail get what they want.

Infinate x's and o's
~Erin Jo

:D Be proud of me!

So this weekend was St. George for State Debate! It was so much fun, but the miracle is that I finally managed to write a happy poem :D ready for this?

Love vs. hate
Good vs. great
The potential to be
The ability to see
Kisses in the rain
Ignoring the pain
Loving your life
With trials and strife
Take a chance and shed a tear
In memory or fear
Love doesn't last
And crushes with pass
In darkness and in lonely hour
Revel and cherish in the power
Friends are the equivilent of life
Take a chance and live!

So it was kinda dark, but mostly happy. This is what I get when I start writing in the sun in St. George after getting virtually NO sleep. lol Erin was on drugs! St. George was fun, but I'm ready for choir tour! It's definitely time.... :D I love the world...and I have nothing to say but I just kinda felt the need to blog!

LOVE LOVE LOVE
~En

"I have acute (h)earing!"

What to do what to do? lol Highschool is so confusing I can't even handle it. It makes us laugh, it makes us cry, and we think its the worse part of our lives. But when we get old and decrepid we'll look back on these days with much fondness and reminice about "the good old days" Isn't life ironic? Well everyone knows about the events that have transpired this past week, and I'm not exactly sure what to say about them that hasn't already been said... All I'm going to say on the subject is that I'm glad everyone is getting along again. But this whole situation has really been making me think...about happiness. Happiness is all in the eyes of the beholder I guess. Everyone sees....or chooses not to see, happiness differently. It makes me think, how many smiles do I give everyday that are fake? How many laughs do I force? How many giggles do I push? Far too many as of late. I've been trying to act happy, thinking that if I act happy this entire thing will go away...Thinking that by acting happy....I will, infact, become happy. I was dillusionsal. But this whole thing with everyone being emo and all has made me take into account some things that I really didn't notice before, and I'm done being fake happy. I'm done with the fake smiles, I'm done with the fake laughs, and I'm done pretending to be happy so no one sees how bad I'm hurting. I'm not hurting anymore, and it's definitely time to smile. So this week my goal is to laugh like no one's watching, sing like no one's listening, live well, laugh much, and love often.

Something that my mom says we all need to take into account this week. "Life is too short to be unhappy." I love you all!

Wow

So I haven't blogged in a really long time...but I haven't really felt like being open and posting what I feel like in a really really long time.... life's interesting, it's hard. It's dramatic, it's exciting, new, happy, sad, unusual, scary, thrilling, everything. I have a new motto though:

Laugh your heart out...

Dance in the rain...

Cherish the moments...

Ignore the pain.

Live, love, learn

Forgive and Forget...

Life is too short

to live with regrets.

I have no idea. I'm happy, happier than I've been in a while...but I'm also depressed... I miss him, I miss us, yet I know it's better this way.

He'll never know how bad it hurt,

He'll never know how much I cared,

He'll never see the tears I cried,

Or how the people stared,

He'll never sense my sadness,

He'll never see my pain,

He'll never know much I loved him,

Or how he kept me sane,

He'll never know how deep the wounds go,

He'll never know my thoughts,

He'll never know how much I miss him,

Or how he taught me lots,

I'll never take him back,

That much is for sure,

He still has my heart,

I owe him so much more,

It's hard to lose a best friend,

He was my other half,

But all things happen for a reason.

He'll never know how bad it hurt,

He'll never know how much I cared,

He'll never see the tears I cried,

Or how the people stared.

Never.

That was the happy little poem I wrote the other night....I dont know, I'm happy, but sometimes something will remind me of a memory...and I'll just get sad. I think what hurts the most is not that we're over...but that he's believing small town gossip and thinks I'm talking trash about him...I'm not... I did want to save our friendship.... no matter how much it hurt..But that chance is all but gone now, his parents hate me and are telling him that I'm doing all this stuff...that I'm not doing...I just don't know! Lol I'm not making sense... haha AND FOR THE RECORD all y'all need to know that I dont like enano... not like that. He's been there for me throughout this whole thing with jake...even when no one was around.....and he's just kinda been my shelter from the whole thing.....he's just been an amazing friend.....but there's nothing like that going on with us....ok now bwiwwa mawie is here to chillax and be amazing. LOVE TO ALL! ESPECIALLY MY HANNAH, BRITTA, JEB, MORGAN, AND BERTO!

Frustrations

Ok so I'm really really really really really really really really really really really really really times 10^65454984654 frustrated. With everyone. I'm sick, so I haven't been feeling too happy, and apparently everyone I know just feels the need to make it worse. So this is your choice, you can choose to read this blog or not...but it won't be very uplifting, and I appoligize in advance if I offend anyone. But I really just need to scream at someone, and this is the next best thing. So deal:
Have you ever noticed that no one ever seems happy with me? It's like they all expect more of me and when they discover that I'm human and that I can't do it all, they get upset. It's just extremely irritating and I'm finding it harder and harder to bite my tongue. Also, I hate chemisty, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. It sucks and I'm not understanding it at all right now, yeah we have a test tomorrow and I'm going to fail it. Lame. I feel the need to offer a public warning right now, because I'm getting pissed off, and I'm sick of biting my tongue to spare people's feelings. Stop ragging on me and Jake, get over it. We won't change for you and all you're doing is hurting my feelings and making me want to make some awful retort about close-minded jealousy and ignorance, so this is your warning now because I'm done putting up with it. Guess what? We're together, I don't get to see him outside of school so when we're together we're going to kiss occasionally. Grow up. Stop acting like your in the 8th grade and get over it, you see worse in movies, and walking down the halls of the highschool. If you don't want to see it, look away, cause really it's not my problem. I refuse to change and conform for you, because guess what else? In the end, you really don't give a damn either way, you're just doing it to seriously piss people off. And another thing, people have bad days(as i am illustrating) PLEASE STOP BEING SO SENSITIVE. People lose their tempers, sometimes they dont want to talk to people in general so they don't aknowledge you, move on. We're only human, we'll be over it in a bit, so just leave us alone. Ok I'm tired, I don't want to deal with anyone any more, but quite honestly I am really glad that I'm leaving on vacation in two days. Because I need a break from a few people, but that doesn't mean i don't love you all. I LOVE YOU



P.S. BRITTA I TALKED TO ANDREW FELLOWS, HE'S 16 AND HASN'T BEEN ASKED TO PREFERENCE, JUST DO IT! YOU KNOW YOU'LL HAVE FUN! DOOOOO ITTTTTTT!

Super Cheerleader

**this is my happy poster of wonder that my mom and i designed.

So it is the eve of state, and i'm neverous. Tomorrow is what it all comes down to, the 5 am practices, the dealing with catty girls, the Nazi's workouts, the challenge sets, the smell of chlorine, the looking like crap everyday for 5 months, the abstinance from shaving, the early curfews, and looking like crap in a swim cap, it all amounts to the next two days. But no pressure right? I'm not sure what to write...im too nervous/tired/sick to even care. But if someone up there likes me all i have to say to them is "please, please please please please please let one of the girls in the 100 free break their leg (only not katie)"

Not important

Spring turns into summer,

Summer turns into fall,

Days and nights,

End on end,

With no ending at all,

Break-ups become make-ups,

Friends become something more,

Good times, bad times,

Continuous motion,

School is never a bore,

But winter now is ending,

And Spring shall come again,

Days and nights,

End on end,

With no ending at all.

What they mean to me...

Huzzah! New Blogs! Hurray. lol I know, I'm a slacker. But the blog nazi's have yet to chew me out so I figured that I'm safe....at least for a little while. So today was the start of the new term and it was of the devil. Jake and i had a HUUUUGGGGEEEE row today, and when I say huge I mean "i-was-going-to-sick-hannah-on-him-cause-i-didn't-want-to-deal-with-him" huge. It was epic, and even though we worked it out, he's still unhappy because the solution was basically "Erin gets to work after school every day for 5 weeks so she can raise $550 to go on choir tour" and now he's pissed cause he won't get to see me. People say that girls are dramatic...but really guys are just as dramatic as we are. Honestly. Ok I'm done talking about Jake cause I'm pretty sure that if all I did with this blog was complain about Jake the blog nazi's would come kidnapp me and put me in the holocaust oven we found in hannah's basement that britta put randi and lurpe in...teeheeheeee. K after the longest run on sentence ever, moving on. guess what I thought about a lot today? What everyone means to me and how they are important to me. So I decided to write a little "Ode to my love(s)"

Britta- She is my other half, she listens to me and she doesn't judge me on what I've done. She knows everything about me and still condecendes to hang out with me. That must count for something.

Hannah- Silly silly girl. She is my twin, and no matter what happens with me and Jake she always gets it. I just have to start the story and she can fill in the rest. She listens to me and actually sometimes understands what I'm trying to say. It's quite an accomplishment.

Jennifer- This girl is amazing, she is one of the few people that can challege me to look at things in a way I've never looked at them before. She's just silly, she always makes me grin.

Michaelface- Even though we've got a past, he still manages to be there for me no matter what. I don't even have to ask. I love that boy.

Berto- He gives me amazing advice, and make's me feel important. He's always up for snowboarding and I owe him so many cows I don't know how to deal.

Morgan- Silly girl! I love her to death, she's always got something to say that makes me grin. And i love the fact that she's independant and doesn't let anyone change her beliefs. Right on sista.

Spiva/Buddy/Princess- We're attached at the hip, the heart, and the head. We'll be friends forever, he knows everything about me, and knows exactly how to push my buttons and where I'm the most ticklish. He knows why I am the way I am, every little thing that goes on in my life. And when we turn 30 if neither of us are married we're getting married. Our past has been an interesting, if cliche one.

Jake- That boy can always make me laugh. He balances me out and tries to keep me calm. He's also one of the few people that can keep up with me both mentally and physically. He can be a total sweetheart, even though he has an ego. I really am quite lucky to have him.

Enano- I'm in love with this boy. He's so sweet, he can always cheer me up, and he can be meaner than mean and I still just laugh and tell him I love him. He's one of those people that the world picks on because it knows he can handle it. It's refreshing.

Lurpe- This kid, I don't even know. Sometimes we get along great, sometimes he hates me and i just want to slap him. Either way i think that he's an amazingly funny kid and a real sweetheart, he also has mad guitar skills that i wish i had. Sadly enough he's doomed to hate me forever.

Randi- I love her. She's loud, energetic and sometimes annoying as they get. But she can always make me smile and she always has just enough energy to make everyone laugh, even if it's at her expense. We really don't give her enough credit.

Ty Ty- He used to be my brother, we were closer than close for years. Then came April, hopefully things can return to the way they were....

Abby- She's my P.E. and math buddy, when we're together we're spontanious and weird, usually talking in british accents. She can make me smile and she's one person who's approval I crave.

Kelsey- KJ, good times, bad times, times in between. We were always there....hopefully we'll always be there.

Ed- We're debate buddies, we talk about everything, we debate about everything. Sometimes I swear that kid reads my mind. He's amazing to be around and we kick some seroius butt in spar together.

Chis- He knows how to make me smile, he listens to me and never tells a soul, he knows exactly where i'm ticklish, and i never have to explain anything to him. He just knows.

I could go on forever, I have more people...but i'll save it for another day. It's time for bed.

Loves,
En

Pissed at the world

This is my formal letter of apology if I have at any time snapped at you in the last week. Finals are of the devil. I've basically been on the verge of tears all week, and I've been emotional, AND my 4.0 is on the line here because of one vindictive and utterly stupid theater teacher. I'm so stressed out right now, and to top all that off I have a big secret that I'll tell you all personally but it's not fit to print as it were. ALSO Jake. What can I say about Jake? Everything and nothing at the same time. He's the biggest cause of my stress, he's an arrogent prat, he's selfish, he's self centered, some days I'm not sure whether or not he gives a damn about me, he's a good kisser, he can be a total sweetheart, but I swear he gets some sort of vindictive pleasure out of pissing me off and breaking my heart. Because that's what he's doing, slowly but surely he's breaking my heart. And the sad thing is I'm not all that surpised. Ok now that I'm sorta done ranting (aka i'm to the point that i can just shut up and deal with the rest on my own.) I'm going to post a list of things that I bet you didn't know about me (and this excludes Britta because she knows most everything about me)

1. I'm really really really insecure.
2. My grades mean the world to me because they're all that i have.
3. I'm a romantic at heart.
4. My favorite types of books are fiction ones with happy endings.
5. My favorite food is italian.
6. I tell my mom everything.
7. Kris Powell was my first kiss.
8. Spiva was my kiss in the rain.
9. Jacob Ward was my kiss under the fireworks.
10. I love the logic in math even though I'm not very good at it.
11. School is one of my favorite things.
12. I have a really really hard time trusting people.
13. I've never actually read the dictionary.
14. I'm a poet but I really don't like people reading what I write.
15. My nickname used to be Tuft.
16. CSI is my favorite show.
17. I love murder mysteries.
18. I love to travel.
19. I hate living in Heber simply because I hate being discrimminated against.
20. Some people don't like me because I'm not Mormon.
21. When I'm sad I read Peter Pan
22. I never think I'm good enough for anyone.
23. I secretly want to find that one guy who will treat me like a princess.
24. Secretly I don't care whether it's the U or the Y, I only pick the U to cause tension.
25. I love to argue.
26. I hate to cry, it makes me feel weak.
27. Weakness is my greatest fear.
28. I feel like I always have to be the strong one.
29. If you ever need a ride call me. I'll come pick you up.
30. I sometimes wonder if I have a stress related mental disorder because I stress so much.

Ok well now that i've basically bared my soul. It's your turn

~En

New Years

So I'm not exactly sure what to think, but I do know that this New Years Eve isn't one I'm likely to forget. Guitar Hero for hours, trying new foods, getting calls at 11:45 and finding one incredibly wasted 16 year old who needed to be taken care of, stupid Tom calling at at exactly the wrong moment, and dealing with a very hung over teenager in the morning. Thank you for being there for me, and helping me be there for her. I couldn't have done it without you.

Remember:

Remember how glad I was that you wouldn't leave me in the entry way with him?

Remember how much Mountain Dew we drank?

Remember how we ran all the way to Sarah's in the snow but sprinted back just so we were in time to see them perform?

Remember how we got through the line and arrived at the stage right as they walked on, we thought it was fate?

Remeber when we would make her have all the sucky roles in our skits because she was always late?

Remember "What an idiot."?

Remember the Litter Box Incident?

Remember Astro Girl, Astro Beast, and Astro Ass?

Remember "Where was Pirates of the Carribean filmed?"

Remeber learning Dirty Little Secret?

Remember Grant?

Remember Miss America/ Wonder Woman?

Remember going to see Nanny McPhie and swearing never to tell anyone?

Remember all the goldfish the first time we hung out?

Remember when I wrote you a Hogwarts letter?

Remember reading until 3 am?

Remember forgetting her and having to go back and get her?

Remember the 'self - inviter'?

Remember writing Horoscopes?

Remember the apple in her class?

Remember when I got my first kiss?

Remember living in a box on emo lane?

Remember meeting Trent?

Remember going to the playground and trying to get him to ask her out?

Remember when he found her phone in the rocks and she told him she loved him making him jealous?

Remember when we told her your grandma died and she couldnt come to the funeral because she wasn't there when she died?

Remember how covering the phone with my thumb didnt work?

Remember I secretly....and then I not so secretly when we ran out of things to say?

Remember Astro Girl Revisited?

Remember when you told me your secret and I made you promise never ever again?

Remember going to get Jones at all hours of the night?

Remember how I always got Gatorade?

Remember when he did the My Humps dance and when we met Dr. Greene?

Remember how he scared me when he grabbed my ankle from under the car?

Remember when we were almost a thing?

Remember how many tears I shed for him?

Remember how he lied to me to make me hate him?

Remember how I wanted to hate him but never could?

Remember "screw the boys!" and "uhhhhh no thanks"?

Remember the For Sale sign?

Remember cat calling to him and stopping in front of his neighbors?

Remember when they all liked her?

Remember Little Vid Vid?

Remember the 4th of July stories I told?

Remember how I got Boom?

Remember the smile I got when you said his name?

Remember hiking Timp and having him hate us?

Remember when I confronted you about liking him?

Remember when we figured out he liked me?

Remember everything at the park?

Remember watching Saw with him?

Remember our first kiss?

Remember Music Man drama?

Remember when I didnt want to join swim team?

Remember when I bought him a crown and sash and made him wear it on his Birthday?

Remember when I didn't like her?

Remember when we watched CSI for 6 hours?

Remember cup o noodles, cake, and baking brownies?

Remember my blue sparkly dream dress?

Remember the pink mini?

Remember when I tripped while turning off the lights?

Remember how she used to hit on me just to see what I would do?

Remember how sad I was when you went to California?

Remember playing the cup game a million times?

Remember how we made amazing friends and lost some old ones?

Remember who we were?

Remember.

Loves,
En

P.S. Everyone did one so I wanted to too.