New Erin. This one's emotional.

I'm not sure why but today I seem to be in a melonchally mood... It could be the fact that I'm a hormonal, emotional teenage girls craving chocolate... Or it could be the fact that everything is happening so fast. The world is swirling around me in a vortex and the people that once came to me for help and for someone to talk to no longer need me. I feel myself becoming closer to people who make my life happy... but farther from the ones that made my life meaningful. Lately I've been thinking, feeling the pressures put on by the world and escaping from it all by to go get enano and go to my sitting spot so I can unload my thoughts onto him. Another thing that I've been thinking about is Lakey. (Haha Don't freak out... I'm putting my honest thoughts down here) It's been nearly a year since the two of us went on our first date and for some reason it's been bothering me lately. I'll be taking someone home and I'll drive past a certain spot or someone will same something innocently and I'll be swept away in a memory from long ago. My mom says when this happens you can almost see what i'm thinking right on my face and it's slightly unnerving. Knowing that my thoughts aren't being kept privately shushed inside my head. So my thoughts are this on my ex: He's so different than he was, and I was stupid not to listen to everyone. Though I know that I had fun and learned enough about myself that if I had to make the choice again knowing what I know now, I'd still date him. (THEN NOT NOW) But I'm not gonna lie...at concert in the park, for the first time in about 5-ish months, I actually missed Jake. And it's not that I miss "us" I just miss being his friend and being able to tell him anything in the world. And this is the guy I swore never to let close to my heart again. Yet I definitely still miss him. Ironic. Another aspect of my life I've been contemplating is the crappy-ness of dating in a small town. Everyone knows everyone and no matter who you like someone is going to end up getting hurt, people are going to date eachothers ex's, and people are going to be upset over who likes who. My parting words are these: We're not in middle school anymore, you're allowed to like the same guy as someone else...You're are allowed to have more than one best friend...and you're allowed to be yourself. Your true friends are the ones that will let you do what makes you happy and love you for it anyways, even if they get hurt in the process. Now dont go recklessly destroying lives, but we all need to understand that, as cliche as it sounds, boys (or girls) are not worth your friendships. Stick together.