Wow

So I haven't blogged in a really long time...but I haven't really felt like being open and posting what I feel like in a really really long time.... life's interesting, it's hard. It's dramatic, it's exciting, new, happy, sad, unusual, scary, thrilling, everything. I have a new motto though:

Laugh your heart out...

Dance in the rain...

Cherish the moments...

Ignore the pain.

Live, love, learn

Forgive and Forget...

Life is too short

to live with regrets.

I have no idea. I'm happy, happier than I've been in a while...but I'm also depressed... I miss him, I miss us, yet I know it's better this way.

He'll never know how bad it hurt,

He'll never know how much I cared,

He'll never see the tears I cried,

Or how the people stared,

He'll never sense my sadness,

He'll never see my pain,

He'll never know much I loved him,

Or how he kept me sane,

He'll never know how deep the wounds go,

He'll never know my thoughts,

He'll never know how much I miss him,

Or how he taught me lots,

I'll never take him back,

That much is for sure,

He still has my heart,

I owe him so much more,

It's hard to lose a best friend,

He was my other half,

But all things happen for a reason.

He'll never know how bad it hurt,

He'll never know how much I cared,

He'll never see the tears I cried,

Or how the people stared.

Never.

That was the happy little poem I wrote the other night....I dont know, I'm happy, but sometimes something will remind me of a memory...and I'll just get sad. I think what hurts the most is not that we're over...but that he's believing small town gossip and thinks I'm talking trash about him...I'm not... I did want to save our friendship.... no matter how much it hurt..But that chance is all but gone now, his parents hate me and are telling him that I'm doing all this stuff...that I'm not doing...I just don't know! Lol I'm not making sense... haha AND FOR THE RECORD all y'all need to know that I dont like enano... not like that. He's been there for me throughout this whole thing with jake...even when no one was around.....and he's just kinda been my shelter from the whole thing.....he's just been an amazing friend.....but there's nothing like that going on with us....ok now bwiwwa mawie is here to chillax and be amazing. LOVE TO ALL! ESPECIALLY MY HANNAH, BRITTA, JEB, MORGAN, AND BERTO!

Frustrations

Ok so I'm really really really really really really really really really really really really really times 10^65454984654 frustrated. With everyone. I'm sick, so I haven't been feeling too happy, and apparently everyone I know just feels the need to make it worse. So this is your choice, you can choose to read this blog or not...but it won't be very uplifting, and I appoligize in advance if I offend anyone. But I really just need to scream at someone, and this is the next best thing. So deal:
Have you ever noticed that no one ever seems happy with me? It's like they all expect more of me and when they discover that I'm human and that I can't do it all, they get upset. It's just extremely irritating and I'm finding it harder and harder to bite my tongue. Also, I hate chemisty, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. It sucks and I'm not understanding it at all right now, yeah we have a test tomorrow and I'm going to fail it. Lame. I feel the need to offer a public warning right now, because I'm getting pissed off, and I'm sick of biting my tongue to spare people's feelings. Stop ragging on me and Jake, get over it. We won't change for you and all you're doing is hurting my feelings and making me want to make some awful retort about close-minded jealousy and ignorance, so this is your warning now because I'm done putting up with it. Guess what? We're together, I don't get to see him outside of school so when we're together we're going to kiss occasionally. Grow up. Stop acting like your in the 8th grade and get over it, you see worse in movies, and walking down the halls of the highschool. If you don't want to see it, look away, cause really it's not my problem. I refuse to change and conform for you, because guess what else? In the end, you really don't give a damn either way, you're just doing it to seriously piss people off. And another thing, people have bad days(as i am illustrating) PLEASE STOP BEING SO SENSITIVE. People lose their tempers, sometimes they dont want to talk to people in general so they don't aknowledge you, move on. We're only human, we'll be over it in a bit, so just leave us alone. Ok I'm tired, I don't want to deal with anyone any more, but quite honestly I am really glad that I'm leaving on vacation in two days. Because I need a break from a few people, but that doesn't mean i don't love you all. I LOVE YOU



P.S. BRITTA I TALKED TO ANDREW FELLOWS, HE'S 16 AND HASN'T BEEN ASKED TO PREFERENCE, JUST DO IT! YOU KNOW YOU'LL HAVE FUN! DOOOOO ITTTTTTT!

Super Cheerleader

**this is my happy poster of wonder that my mom and i designed.

So it is the eve of state, and i'm neverous. Tomorrow is what it all comes down to, the 5 am practices, the dealing with catty girls, the Nazi's workouts, the challenge sets, the smell of chlorine, the looking like crap everyday for 5 months, the abstinance from shaving, the early curfews, and looking like crap in a swim cap, it all amounts to the next two days. But no pressure right? I'm not sure what to write...im too nervous/tired/sick to even care. But if someone up there likes me all i have to say to them is "please, please please please please please let one of the girls in the 100 free break their leg (only not katie)"